woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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