captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
