my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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