my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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