I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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