his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
