You really coming over, don't trick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
