So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
