So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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