theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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