so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
