so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
