I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
