i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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