I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
