DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
