All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
