the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
