I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
