i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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