Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
