just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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