I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
