I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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