good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
