I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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