Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
