I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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