I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
