Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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