i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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