I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
