I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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