I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
