I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
