HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
