You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
