You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
