1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
