Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
