He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
