i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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