I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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