and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
