I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
