So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
