People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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