He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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