Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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