Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
