Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
