possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
