I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
